I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
