You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
