my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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