Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
