Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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