ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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