just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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