shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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