It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize