people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
