dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
