His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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