booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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