She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
