It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
