Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
