Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
