So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
