I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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