All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I smell like Dick and happiness
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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