I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
