Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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