I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
