I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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