just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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