Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
