He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
