the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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