Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
