If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
