i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
