guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
