out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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