I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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