ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
