My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize