If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
