Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
