Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
