That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Shame - the story of my life.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
