so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
