Michael Bay diarrhea
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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