there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
