now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
