I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he puts the penis in happiness.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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