I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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