hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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