Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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