My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
