My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
