I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
