i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
