You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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