it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
