My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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