my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
