We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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