Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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