we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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