i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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