so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
