If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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