Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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