bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
