I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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