she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
