So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I want a musical about memes.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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