I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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