i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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