ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
